


Rabbit Stew

by supplyship



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Flirting, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-02
Updated: 2011-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-15 07:58:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/158744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supplyship/pseuds/supplyship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where traveling through the Stargate is a lot like a Looney Tunes cartoon, and Jack and SG-3 are playing the part of Bugs Bunny. Also, Sam saves the day, like always. Set in late Season 8, Sam/Jack if you squint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rabbit Stew

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dtissagirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dtissagirl/gifts).



> Birthday fic for Tissa, first posted to LJ November 2009.

"Ever get the feeling like our lives are one big Looney Tunes cartoon?" Reynolds remarked to Jack as the natives prodded them and the rest of SG-3 towards a giant, steaming, *man-sized* cauldron.

"Hoo boy," Jack muttered in return.

***

 _60 minutes earlier_

"OK Carter, you take Teal'c and Daniel and set up your equipment over there," Jack waved towards the small temple where Carter wanted to test some strange, possibly Ancient power fluctuations, and where Daniel wanted to geek out about the possible Ancient temple.

"SG-3 and I are going to see if there's anything else interesting about this planet."

"Don't go far, sir, I may need you," Carter replied, already hoisting her end of the largest equipment container. She made a face when she realized how she had phrased that and quickly added, "You know, if there's anything Ancient to power on."

Jack just chuckled at her reddening cheeks, but let her off easy. "Understood, Colonel."

"You guys are going to hang out on the beach, aren't you?" Daniel asked, knowing full-well the answer was yes.

Jack just waved. "Check-in every 30!"

Peterson and Bosco automatically took point as their group did indeed head back down to the beach where the Stargate was located. P3X-907 wasn't exactly a tropical paradise, but it did have a white sandy coastline and plenty of sunshine, and since there was no indication of people or people-eating predators here, Jack was going to enjoy his rare day off world.

They wandered back down through the dense forest to where it opened up to the bright beach below. On Reynolds' OK, his guys dropped their packs and rifles by the 'gate and began to toss around a Nerf football that magically appeared.

Jack grinned at their antics; Reynolds had a mixed-service team - two Marines and a beefy Army cavalryman - and it never ceased to amaze him how well they worked together. Sure there was lots of service bashing, but it was good natured, and no one wanted to piss off their Air Force Colonel team leader.

He and Reynolds were keeping an idle eye on their surroundings, but mostly Jack was enjoying the warm sun and fresh off-world air. Sitting behind a desk had nothing on this and never would.

Carter radioed then to say that all was well; he could hear something in her voice... disappointment maybe? "What's up, Carter?" he asked.

"Well, it looks like it might be a bust for me, sir. We've found some old, definitely Ancient consoles, but it just seems to be like a small observatory or research outpost. Daniel is, of course, finding it all very interesting."

"Of that I have no doubt, Carter. Well, take as long as you need and when you're ready to go, just drag Daniel out by his ear."

She chuckled, "Wilco, sir."

Jack dropped his hand from his radio and turned back to the game of catch. Just then one of Reynolds' guys went down on a diving catch and did not immediately get up. The other two started to converge on him, calling his name, when they too suddenly dropped to the sand.

"Fuck," Reynolds muttered. He and Jack cautiously and slowly made their way over to the downed team, rifles constantly moving and scanning in sync with their eyes. Jack saw nothing in the forest bordering the beach, and called "clear" to Reynolds who was poking Bosco's boot before crouching down to check his pulse.

"He's alive," the relief was audible in Reynolds' voice. Then, "What in God's name..." Reynolds wondered as he pulled out a small, feathered dart from the other side of Bosco's neck.

Jack immediately swung his P-90 around towards the woods, but it was too late. He felt a sharp sting in his own arm then, and the last thing he saw on his way down to the sand was a swarm of spear-wielding natives streaming out from the trees.

***

The dart's effects didn't last long, but long enough: Jack woke on his back to no fewer than 10 spears pointed in his face and a headache the size of Montana. The spear-weilders roughly pulled him to his feet where he discovered that his KA-BAR and P-90 had been taken. Thankfully, they left his vest and radio on, probably not knowing what they were or perceiving them as a threat.

He was shoved over to SG-3, who were also on their feet and looking like they had pre-deployment-sized hangovers.

"Jack," Reynolds called to him.

"You guys, OK?" Jack answered back.

"I think we can take them, General," Peterson muttered low.

Jack snorted. They were outnumbered at least 10 to 1, but to the USMC, that probably was still within the boundaries of a fair fight.

"Let's just go with the flow for a bit and see if we can get a better advantage, shall we? Eyes sharp."

A chorus of whispered "yes sir"s was his only answer before they were marched up the beach and back into the forest. Jack searched for any opening, any crack in the natives' defenses, but the further they hiked into the trees, the worse the odds got. They seemed to be headed into a village, because people - men, women, children - were suddenly appearing and joining the group on all sides. Jubilant noises filled the air; the people were obviously thrilled at their capture. Jack quickly took the opportunity to radio his team, the cat-calls and whoops covering his movements and voice.

"Carter, we have a bit of a situation here... uh, this planet is actually inhabited."

"Say again, sir?" she called back.

"I said, there are people on this planet, and we are now being 'escorted' by them. Surprise!"

"Sir, what's your location?"

"Dunno; we were knocked out briefly. You'll have to use my sub-cu to find us."

"I'm scanning for you now, sir, hold tight."

Just then the trees opened up into a clearing, and what was clearly the village. Jack crossed his fingers that they were just going to be questioned by the head honcho or something, but that hope died as they were marched up to an enormous bonfire, with an equally enormous cauldron sitting atop it.

"Ever get the feeling like our lives are one big Looney Tunes cartoon?" Reynolds remarked to Jack.

"Hoo boy," Jack muttered in return before discreetly pushing his talk button down. "Um, Carter, if you could please hurry right along with the rescue, that'd be great. I have a feeling the pointy-speared natives are going to have a feast tonight, and we're going to be the main course." The crowds suddenly parted and Jack could see the head honcho's party moving towards them. "And I gotta go now, radio silence, bye," Jack signed off.

The head honcho stepped forward and looked them up and down. Jack figured he had to at least try to talk their way out, so he held up his hands placatingly. "Hey guys, we're no threat; just peaceful explorers checking out your nice planet." Instantly he had ten spears pointed in his face, so he stepped back. "OK, OK, I get it, no talking."

The head honcho turned around and began to address the crowd. Bosco whispered from behind Jack, "Sir, I don't like this... can we rush them, maybe on your 10:00?"

"I don't think we'd get very far, Bosco," Reynolds replied for him. "General O'Neill got through to Carter, so hopefully we'll be out of here soon enough. Hang tight guys."

Jack could sense that didn't go over well, but they were professionals enough to hear the order in there.

The guy in charge continued to talk for long minutes, before turning back to them. He then clapped his hands once and the whole village began to move. Large men came out with torches and began an intricate dance around the cauldron, much like the fire dancers Jack had seen in Hawaii before. The spear holders began to strip their captives, and the feeling in Jack's gut went from bad to worse.

"Hey," he protested as they pulled off his shirt. "It's chilly out here!"

His complaints fell on deaf ears, and in the end they were five guys standing around in their skivvys.

Head Honcho came back, muttering incantations and tossing some sort of powder over them.

Bosco sneezed.

"Jack," Reynolds nudged his shoulder. "Were those... _spices_ he sprinkled on us?"

Jack sniffed his shoulder, and quickly turned his head away before he too could sneeze. "Uh, yeah, I think so. Pepper at least."

"I don't suppose that they can be convinced that we won't make very good rabbit stew," Reynolds replied darkly.

Before he could reply, Peterson caught their attention. "Sirs, 12:00, high." Sure enough, up in a large tree on the side of the village that they had entered, Jack saw a flash of blonde.

"Nice," he muttered. "Hope they brought lots and lots of C-4."

***

He always knew Carter could read his mind because it was only minutes later that the area behind them and on each side went up in a hail of blasted trees and dirt and fire. The village erupted in chaos, people screaming and running into each other in terror.

Jack and SG-3 didn't hesitate for a moment. They shot forward through the village, where Carter had conveniently left the path to the Stargate open. Just as they reached the edge of the village, Teal'c and Carter dropped from the trees.

"Daniel's at the gate, sir!" she yelled over the chaos. "We'll give you a head start!" She aimed her P-90 up and fired off a burst turning away any would-be pursuers.

Running through the woods barefoot and in his boxers was not Jack's favorite thing, but he had little choice. Thankfully the path to the beach was well worn and cushioned by years of fallen leaves and moss. Bosco had been a high-school track champion, and quickly outdistanced them, so when the rest of them finally burst on to the beach, he was already armed again and covering the woods. He tossed Peterson and Ramirez their rifles, and they immediately dropped into firing positions. Had the situation been a little less dire, Jack would have been amused at the sight of these armed men in nothing but their underwear.

Daniel already had the gate dialed, and when Jack reached him, Daniel handed over his own P-90. Jack ordered him and the rest of SG-3's gear through the gate, promising they'd be hot on Daniel's heels.

Reynolds had a zat from Daniel, and they both turned back to the wood line. "Come on Carter, come on." Jack muttered.

A minute later and she and Teal'c burst through the trees at full-tilt, occasionally firing a burst behind them. They shot through the hole between Bosco and Peterson, who immediately took up firing.

"Go, go, go," Reynolds ordered his team to leapfrog back. He and Jack took a turn firing at the tree line and the occasional native who dared to follow, before they turned and ran through the gate.

On the other side, as Carter and Teal'c stepped in behind them, Jack yelled for the iris to be closed.

Reynolds had his hands on his knees, breathing hard. "Whew, that was a close one. Thanks for the rescue, Colonel."

"Indeed, it appeared that your duck was cooked, Colonel Reynolds," Teal'c intoned.

The Marines snorted.

"'Goose' you mean," Daniel corrected. "The expression is 'your goose is cooked'."

"I am never eating stew again," Ramirez vowed.

Jack felt a cool hand on his bare arm. "Everyone's OK, sir?" Carter asked with a twinkle in her eye.

They started down the ramp. "Yeah, we're fine, Carter, just a little chilly. Nice timing, as always." Jack said.

"Oh you're welcome," she replied. Then she looked him up and down slowly. "I completely get where those natives were coming from though."

He stumbled a little at her words and looked at her sharply.

She kept on walking, but grinned wickedly at him over her shoulder. "You look positively good enough to eat!"


End file.
